ARTICLE ABOUT ABUSIVE DATE OR MATE

Warning Signals of an Abusive Mate or Date
Ann Landers, Advice Columnist

Dear Ann Landers: Please print this list of
warning signals to help women determine if a
mate or date is a potential (or actual) batterer:


1. Jealousy of your time with coworkers, friends
and family.

2. Controlling behavior. Controls your comings
and goings and your money and insists on
helping you make personal decisions.

4. Blames others for his problems.
(Unemployment, family quarrels --everything is
your fault.)

5. Hypersensitivity. (Easily upset by annoyances
that are a part of daily life, such as being asked
to work overtime, criticism of any kind, being
asked to help with chores or child care.)

6. Cruelty to animals or children. (Insensitive to
their pain and suffering, may tease and/or hurt
children and animals.

7. “Playful” use of force in sex. (May throw you
down and hold you during sex. May start having
sex with you when you are sleeping or demand
sex when you are ill or tired.)

8. Verbal abuse. (Says cruel and hurtful things,
degrades and humiliates you, wakes you up to
verbally abuse you or doesn’t let you go to
sleep.)

9. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. (Sudden
mood swings and unpredictable behavior - one
minute loving, the next minute angry and
punitive.)

10. Past history of battering. (Has hit others but
has a list of excuses for “having been pushed
over the edge.”)

11. Threats of violence. (Says, “I’ll slap you or
I’ll break your neck.”)

12. Breaking or striking objects. (Breaks your
possessions, beats on the table with fists, throws
objects near or at you or your children.)

13. Uses force during an argument. (Holds you
down or against the wall, pushes, shoves, slaps
or kicks you. This type of behavior can easily
escalate to choking, stabbing or shooting.)

Ann, please tell your readers they don’t have to
accept violent behavior from anyone --mates,
dates, parents or friends. Because nearly half of
all American women will be battered at some
time in their lives, they need to know how to
read the warning signs. Tell them help is as
close as the telephone. Any woman who sees
herself in the column today should call the
nearest women’s crisis line and tell someone
what is happening. She will be provided with
support and safety options.

There are several ways to break the cycle of
violence, and identifying the warning signs is
the first step.  But some women do not realize that they are
being abused until someone points it out to
them.