ANNOUNCEMENT  !ANNOUNCEMENT !

THE BOOK HAS BEEN ACCEPTED FOR PUBLISHING BY ELECTIO PUBLISHING AND A TENTATIVE RELEASE DATE OF NOVEMBER 17, 2015.  HOORAY!!! 

I AM VERY EXCITED FOR ALL OF YOU TO HAVE THIS BOOK TO HELP YOU IF YOU'VE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED IN ANYWAY.  CHAPTER 14 ALONE IS WORTH THE PRICE OF THE BOOK.  THIS CHAPTER FOCUSES MAINLY ON THERAPY AND HAS SOME FUNNY STORIES AND SOME SERIOUS STORIES AND INFORMATION.  IT'S A MUST READ FOR ANYONE ABUSED IN ANY WAY OR IF YOUR EGO HAS TAKEN A BEATING OVER THE YEARS!!!

THERE WILL BE UPDATES AS THE RELEASE DATE OF NOVEMBER 17TH GETS CLOSER.  IT WILL BE AVAIABLE THROUGH ELECTIO PUBLISHING http://www.electiopublishing.com/ OR BY GOING TO AMAZON.  IF YOU'RE NOT IN A HURRY FOR THE BOOK!! PLEASE BUY IT ON ELECTIO AS I MAKE A LITTLE MORE MONEY.  BUT I MOSTLY CARE THAT YOU JUST GET IT SO GO TO AMAZON IF YOU WANT THE PAPERBACK IN TWO DAYS. 

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND ASSISTANCE DURING THIS JOURNEY!!  HANG IN THERE JUST A BIT LONGER AND YOU'LL HAVE A GREAT BOOK.  EVEN IF YOU BUY THE BOOK ON ELECTIO YOU CAN LEAVE AN AMAZING REVIEW ON AMAZON.  REVIEWS ARE VERY IMPORTANT!! SO PLEASE LEAVE A GOOD REVIEW ON AMAZON http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/handle-buy-box/ref=dp_start-bbf_1_glance  IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE BOOK, LEAVE YOUR REVIEW HERE UNDER COMMENTS OR ON OUR WEBSITE http://www.deliverusfromevil.us/ .  AGAIN THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND YOUR REVIEWS.

Deborah Hunter-Marsh
  with Rebecca Hunter

7 Reasons it’s Time to Move On and Embrace Change

 

Change isn’t part of the process; it is the process.  The bad news: nothing is permanent.  The good news: nothing is permanent

 

 

Today, with the help of a friend, Brian Gardner (check out his inspiring site), we made the first design change to our site in nearly a decade.
Yes, a decade.
If you think about how drastically the internet and technology has matured in the past ten years, it’s impossible not to wonder why we didn’t update our site design sooner.
All details aside – and there are plenty of them – the answer is: Resistance to change.
Sure, in the past we’ve preached about prioritizing content over design.  And yeah, it wasn’t broken, so we didn’t absolutely need to fix it.  But these rationalities were just covering up the fact that we were stuck in our comfort zones.
In this subtle, yet obvious way, we weren’t practicing what we preach.  But thankfully we finally caught ourselves and came to our senses.
And as we rolled out the new design this morning, I couldn’t help but appreciate the synchronicity of this short email from a coaching/course student that popped up in my inbox at the same exact time (I’m sharing this with permission):
“I just wanted to send a quick note of thanks.  Today marks a full year that I’ve been eating right and working out regularly, which is, as you know, something I resisted for years.  This time last year I weighed 312 pounds.  When I saw my weight on the scale at the doctor’s office I knew it was time for a change.  And after some much-needed coaching from you and Angel, a year of exercising my willpower, and using no dieting pills or gastric bands or anything, I went back to the doctor’s office for my annual check-up.  ‘199 lbs,’ my doctor said.  ‘You know, your positive lifestyle change just added roughly 10 years to your life expectancy.’  My 9-year-old daughter, who came with me, grabbed my hand and said, ‘I look forward to spending those extra years with you, daddy.’”
Wow!  Talk about a beautiful reminder to embrace positive change in your life.
Yes, you may feel resistance, like Angel and I did with our site’s redesign.  It may not be easy.  But we all have to stretch our comfort zones and move our lives forward.
The truth is, living is a risk.  Happiness is a risk.  If you’re not a little scared sometimes, then you’re not doing it right.  Don’t worry about mistakes and failures, worry about what you’re giving up when you don’t even try.  Worry about the life you’re not living and the opportunities you’re forgoing, as you merely exist in the safety of your comfort zone.  Give yourself permission to be one of the people who survived doing it wrong, who made mistakes, but recovered from them and grew into your strongest self.



http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/05/20/7-reasons-its-time-to-move-on-and-embrace-change/



 



Is it Time to Divorce Your Family?

5/4/2015

 

To survive growing up in a sexually abusive home, you had to deny what you witnessed, felt, and experienced.  You had to numb and repress it.  Like every child, you thought you could trust your family, the people who were supposed to love and care for you.  Instead, they hurt you and ignored you.

This is your reality as a sexually abused child.  This is your “truth.”  An important part of the healing process is to accept this truth on a conscious level.  However don’t make the mistake of seeking validation for the reality of your past from the family that ignored it.  You may be ready to heal, but that doesn’t mean they are. 

The sooner you stop seeking validation from the “wrong people,” the faster you’ll recover.  If the wrong people are your family, then it might be time to divorce them and walk away for a while. 

Healing is the process of identifying your negative beliefs and exchanging them for new, positive, empowering beliefs.  Going back to the people who refuse to validate your truth only reinforces those negative beliefs.

Your greatest support and validation will come from fellow survivors.  These are the people you meet online and locally in groups for the victims of child sexual abuse.  You’ll also receive tremendous support and guidance from professional Abuse Survivor Coaches, who are often abuse survivors themselves. 

These people are the ones who “get” where you’re coming from.  Your reality is their reality.  Your truth is their truth.

Sometimes you have to divorce the family you were born into and walk away.  Coaches and your fellow survivors are the ones who will validate your truth, nourish your soul, and support you on this exciting healing journey you’ve undertaken.  

Walk toward them.  They’re the “family” you can count on.

********

Were you sexually abused as a child?  Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward?  Svava Brooks is a child sexual abuse survivor, as well as a certified CSA instructor and an Abuse Survivor Coach.  She offers private coaching sessions by phone or skype for child sexual abuse survivors just like you.  For more information, email svava@educate4change.com or call 619-889-6366.  Let Svava help you move forward again on your healing journey!

 

 

Irish Courts Are Enabling & Encouraging Pedophiles To Live In Ireland

Anybody that follows my work and or writings will know that for a long time now I have spoken out about how horrific the level of abuse is in Ireland. Today another situation has arisen that will shock so many people around the world, yet it doesn't shock me as it is part of the over all IGNORANCE IN IRELAND BY THE COURTS & THE GOVERNMENT.
Ireland is a Haven for Pedophiles from around the world, the reason for this is very simple if they don't register with the police in Ireland on arrival, then unless they are notified or an incident happens they won't know that this predator is here. Ireland does NOT HAVE A PUBLIC SEX OFFENDERS REGISTER but it needs one and fast. Below is an incident that happened in a court in Co Galway today which is in the West of Ireland, one of the most popular tourist areas for anybody visiting Ireland and especially for those from America, as Galway is the home of Connemara but it is also the home of some of the most horrific, barbaric and hidden Child Abuse and their hidden Graves that Ireland has ever seen. Yet the courts, and in particular this judge seems to want to protect the Pedophile he had in front of him today rather than the Irish Public and more importantly all children that are near or around this Convicted Sex Offender. I would seriously question as to whether or not this judge is himself a Predator, perhaps he is a Pedophile and is part of a so far unknown or undiscovered Pedophile Ring. As we all know that many judges in the past worldwide are involved in this type of behavior and they cover up and or allow those that appear before them as defendants to escape accountability. Perhaps if Judge Rory Mc Cabe who sits in the Circuit Court in Galway is to be held personally responsible for when this Pedophile Rapes and destroy's the life of his next victim an innocent child he will rethink his position. Not that he would be held accountable as in Ireland those in power, those with money and those that abuse are always the one's to escape any type of consequences for their actions and are seldom held accountable, other than perhaps a slap on the wrist.
This is the incident that I am speaking about and it is beyond believe to see that once again this has happened in Ireland. A Registered UK Convicted Sex Offender by the name of Sean Johnson who is 34 years of age, was in court in Galway today to face charges of failing to register as a sex offender in Ireland. He had been had been running talent competitions and auditions for children as young as seven years of age in not just Galway but also in Cork for months. He was using at least two aliases in this time in both locations. His objective was to work with kids as he is a Pedophile and to also hide his identity so that he could do this for as long as possible. He was eventually arrested in February 2015. He had been using the false names to evade detection and had rented a room at a Library to hold fake video auditions for children, from the age of just seven years & up, promising their parents and agents that they would be cast in children’s TV series. As a Convicted Sex Offender  this work is totally illegal and taking any images or video's of children considering that he was incarcerated for child pornography should have set off huge Red Flags in the mind of the judge in Galway as he was up to his old tricks again, he was just grooming his latest victims.
He was in court for Not Registering As a Sex Offender, he was NOT charged with breaching his sentence in the UK which he had reduced due to good behavior that stated he was NEVER to work with children again. Yet in Ireland he got away with this as the Judge felt the original sentence of 10 months was too harsh and dropped all other charges against him.He then released him immediately and he proceeded to walk down the city streets of Galway with all those children and potential victims within his reach.
He had arrived in Ireland  just days after he had been released from a UK prison,  having served three months of a four-month sentence imposed on him for the possession of child pornography.  As part of that sentence, the UK court had directed he never work with children again.Yet in Ireland he was  given a slap on the wrist, the children that were at risk didn't matter, the fact that he was a convicted Sex Offender who had been convicted of Child Pornography and he was now making video's of young children didn't matter, No he had rights and the Judge in Galway today allowed this predator to walk free, another sex offender on the streets of Ireland.
Ireland is like a Candy Store for any and all Abusers - Pedophiles & Sex Offenders, when you have No laws that will protect the victims until they are basically a statistic of murder and No Courts that are educated on what Abuse and or Pedophiles are then how can the children and people of Ireland be protected. I have no hesitation in stating publicly that in my mind the Judge today Rory McCabe has not just Endangered the life and innocence of children all over Ireland, but he has Enabled this Pedophile to Abuse and to  escape accountability for his actions. This Judge should be brought before the Bar and questioned as to why he supported the release of a Convicted Pedophile in to the streets of Ireland when he had more than enough to not just ensure that he served his original sentence but to also add to it on the grounds of him breaching his original release conditions.
I have called for a long time now for a Public Sex Offenders Register in Ireland as we can't rely on the laws of the land, the courts or the police to protect our children. We all have the right to ensure that those who are a threat or danger to our children are known to us, we don't want to live beside them, they shouldn't be allowed to work with kids, assume new identities , live beside where children play, be near schools as in doing so that is allowing them to pick out their next victim or victims , to groom them over time and to then destroy their lives forever more.Once a child's innocence is taken it is gone forever, no sentence can ever retrieve what and who that child once was. But at least it will protect other children from having to suffer whilst he is incarcerated.Those that Rape and or Abuse children have lost all rights to be treated as humans as they didn't afford any rights to their victims or their families, so why should they be given the luxury of protection because they were caught.
IRELAND WAKE UP - PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN - DEMAND THAT RIGHT -DEMAND THAT THE COURTS DO THEIR JOB - MAKE YOUR VOICES HEARD
Below is the link to a petition that I have set up for a Public Sex Offenders Register to be put in place in Ireland as we have to protect the adults of our future who are the children of today. The laws and the Government won't do it so we as a people need to be parents and protect not just our own children but all children.As their voices are not heard and the risk to them is petrifying with more and more Pedophiles arriving into Ireland on a daily if not hourly basis.Ask yourself this question Do you know how many pedophiles are living in your area ? Do you know what he/she looks like ? Do you know what the signs of grooming are with your child ? Do You Care Enough To Be Their Voice & Protect Them ?
https://www.change.org/p/irish-government-demand-a-full-open-sex-offenders-pedophile-register-with-mandated-compulsory-life-sentence-meaning-life-for-pedophiles
This issue will as always get little or no media attention in Ireland as abuse is tolerated , abuse is part of society and that is why we have such ignorance as Judge Rory McCabe allowing a Pedophile to walk the streets when he should be locked up behind bars and then returned to the UK where they will also lock him up for breaching his early release terms. Shame on you Judge, how you can sleep at night I don't know and I would ask if this pedophile had abused, raped or used an image of your child or your friends child would you have been so lenient. I wonder if  you really know what a Pedophile is and can do as if not then I will gladly educate you on the facts as until you know what these predators are capable of there is no way that you should be sitting in court and judgement and allowing them to be free. I will educate you on Abuse, Sex Offenders, Pedophiles so that then you can do your job correctly and pass down the sentence that is the minimum that should have been served rather than putting innocent children at risk because you are ignorant to the reality of Pedophiles. 

Former Social Worker Arrested For Sexually Abusing Child

 

 

A former social worker and church worship leader is accused of sexually abusing a child over several years, and detectives believe there may be more victims.

 

Dexter Carl Pleasure, 51, of Rancho Cucamonga, was arrested Monday and charged with oral copulation of a child under the age of 10 and continual sexual abuse of a child under the age of 10.

 

Pleasure worked for more than 20 years as social worker with a private foster care agency, and had access to numerous children over the years, according to the Rancho Cucamonga Police Department.

 

Neighbors at Pleasure’s apartment complex, where he lived with his wife and four children, said they were not surprised at the news.

One woman, who did not want to be identified, said she told her daughter to be cautious around Pleasure.

"Whenever my daughter would go in and out, he'd follow her," she said. "I'd say 'keep your eyes open, girl.'"

She also said she doubted his churchgoing activities.

"I never saw him get dressed to go to church," she said.

Mike Clark said he got into an argument recently with Pleasure over how he was treating his children.

"As far as parenting skills, terrible," Clark said. "And the wife — I lived in those apartments seven years and I only saw her three times."

A background check showed no previous convictions, and a former supervisor at the foster agency in Corona where Pleasure worked said he was a "paper pusher" and did not have access to children.

Pleasure was arrested after a tipster reported that he had confessed to abusing a child over a long period of time.

Clark said he hoped the arrest would help any other possible victims come forward.

"Encourage you to come forward. Please take that step and stop this," he said.

Pleasure is being held in lieu of $350,000 bail.

Anyone with information is asked to call Detective Ryan Ford of the Rancho Cucamonga Police Department at 909-477-2800. Anonymous tips can be made by calling 800-78CRIME.

Published at 10:09 PM PDT on Apr 29, 2015

 

 

16 Simple Ways to Love Yourself Again


Learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.

“Today I lost the respect of a few people I love, and the desire to kill myself, when I finally took your advice and told everyone the truth about who I really am and what I’ve decided to do with my life.  In a nutshell, I’ve chosen to love and honor myself, instead of convincing others to do it for me every day.”
Those are lines right out of a live chat session I had this morning with a longtime reader and recent course member of ours.  Although this person asked to remain anonymous, they gave me permission to share this with you, and I’m so glad they did.
Because the greatest struggle in life is the struggle to accept, embrace and love ourselves, with all of our imperfections.  To be 100% honest about who we are, how we feel and what we need.  To stop discrediting ourselves for everything we aren’t, and start giving ourselves credit for everything we are.  And to be aware that not everyone we love will agree with us every step of the way, and to be OK with it.
We have to learn to be our own best friends, because sometimes we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.  We love the idea of others loving us, and we forget to love ourselves.
What we must realize is that our greatest task is not about discovering self-love; it’s about breaking down the walls we have built against it.  When we have the courage to push through these walls – to know and embrace ourselves, despite our humanness, our flaws, and our rejections – we also open the door to connecting in more caring, empathic and intimate ways with others who are truly worth loving.
Which is why it’s time to…
http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/05/10/16-simple-ways-to-love-yourself-again/
 

5 Ways to Find Beauty in Painful Life Changes


Stepping onto a brand new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation that no longer fits, or no longer exists.



The reason for our suffering, in all walks of life, is our resistance to life’s inevitable changes.
And life is all changes.  To have lived is to have changed often.
Sometimes this is hard to accept…
What you have today may become what you had by tomorrow.  You never know.  Things change, often spontaneously.  People and circumstances come and go.  Life doesn’t stop for anybody.  It moves rapidly and rushes from calm to chaos in a matter of seconds, and happens like this to people every day.  It’s likely happening to someone nearby right now.
Sometimes the shortest split second in time changes the direction of our lives.  A seemingly innocuous decision rattles our whole world like a meteorite striking Earth.  Entire lives have been swiveled and flipped upside down, for better or worse, on the strength of an unpredictable event.  And these events are always happening.
However good or bad a situation is now, it will change.  That’s the one thing you can count on.
And while I resist change, and suffer sometimes just like everyone else, I have learned to adapt.  I have learned to be flexible and look for the beauty in life’s changes, even when they aren’t what I want.  But before we get into how to do that, let’s take a look at…

 http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/05/06/5-ways-to-find-beauty-in-painful-life-changes/#more-838

10 Things to Remember About Toxic Family Members

Family is supposed to be our safe haven.  Sometimes, however, it’s the place where we find the deepest heartache.

Letting go of (or breaking up with) a toxic friend, boyfriend or girlfriend is one thing, and there’s plenty of advice out there for doing so, but what about letting go of a toxic family member?
Most of us are not in a position to just walk away, nor do we feel that we want to, or that it’s the right thing to do.  So what do we do when a family member is literally spoiling our lives with their toxicity?  How do we deal with our feelings of obligation, confusion, betrayal and heartache?
First and foremost, you must accept the fact that not everyone’s family is healthy or available for them to lean on, to call on, or to go home to.  Not every family tie is built on the premise of mutual respect, love and support.  Sometimes “family” simply means that you share a bloodline.  That’s all.  Some family members build us up and some break us down.
Second, you must understand that a toxic family member may be going through a difficult stage in their lives.  They may be ill, chronically worried, or lacking what they need in terms of love and emotional support.  Such people need to be listened to, supported, and cared for (although whatever the cause of their troubles, you may still need to protect yourself from their toxic behavior at times).
The key thing to keep in mind is that every case of dealing with a toxic family member is a little different, but in any and every case there are some universal principles we need to remember, for our own sake:

1. They may not be an inherently bad person, but they’re not the right person to be spending time with every day. – Not all toxic family relationships are agonizing and uncaring on purpose.  Some of them involve people who care about you – people who have good intentions, but are toxic because their needs and way of existing in the world force you to compromise yourself and your happiness. And as hard as it is, we have to distance ourselves enough to give ourselves space to live.  You simply can’t ruin yourself on a daily basis for the sake of someone else.  You have to make your well-being a priority.  Whether that means spending less time with someone, loving a family member from a distance, letting go entirely, or temporarily removing yourself from a situation that feels painful – you have every right to leave and create some healthy space for yourself.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/05/03/10-things-to-remember-about-toxic-family-members/
  

You Mean I Have to Rescue MYSELF?  Eeeek!




Realizing how damaged you are after child sexual abuse can be overwhelming.  Sometimes the toxic effect of this kind of abuse is so massive even the thought of change seems impossible.  That’s when your “rescue” response kicks in.  It would be so much easier if someone could just come along and rescue you, wouldn’t it?

Hey, where is that White Knight when you need him? 

Well, he didn’t ride in on his white horse when you were sexually abused, did he?  No.  But I have good news.  There is someone who can rescue you now.

YOU!

All victims of child sexual abuse are broken in one way or another.  Some are better at hiding the damage than others.  They just work twice as hard at numbing or repressing the hurt, which only makes the situation worse.  Why?  Because you can’t tackle a problem until you’ve identified it.

You’ll heal much faster if you’re committed to learning everything you can about yourself and your situation.  The process is a little like peeling an onion.  Every time you heal one area of your life another dysfunctional issue comes to light.  And that’s okay.  It’s supposed to be that way.  Healing isn’t one large victory.  It’s a chain of small ones. 

The daily practice of rescuing yourself begins with an action plan.  List not only your destination but also the steps you plan to take to get there.  Make sure this plan includes professional support.  You can’t do this on your own.  It’s just not possible.  The damage from child sexual abuse is too extensive.

Also, develop the habit of paying attention to your intuition (that still, small voice inside you).  As long as you remain true to this inner voice, you’re on the right track. 


 How about that?  After all these years you’ve finally been rescued.  And by someone you trust more than anyone.  Someone who has always had your best interest at heart.  YOU!

That’s a wonderful feeling, isn’t it?  Now there’s no limit to what you can achieve.  You’ve become your own White Knight.  Time to turn that horse around and gallop toward the biggest rainbow you can find.  It’s yours!  

With Love,Deborah
  

Self-Care Sunday: Feeling the Love

By Margarita Tartakovsky, MS
Associate Editor
~ 1 min read

I’ve been exploring the topic of self-love this whole week (see here and here). And today is no exception. In their book In This Moment: Five Steps to Transcending Stress Using Mindfulness and Neuroscience psychologists Kirk D. Strosahl, Ph.D, and Patricia J. Robinson, Ph.D, include a powerful activity for feeling love within ourselves, which we can practice regularly.

They suggest remembering a time in your life when you felt completely loved and cared for. Remember what it felt like to be accepted for precisely who you are, to bask in that warmth. Immerse yourself in the details of these memories, focusing on your thoughts, emotions and any physical sensations.
According to the authors, “Some people remember being held or gently touched by a parent when they were small. Others remember moments with a partner, such as holding hands and watching a beautiful sunset. Perhaps you have a memory of being hugged by someone who was very glad to see you after a long time apart. Your favorite memories might also involve snuggling with sweet canine or feline friends.”
Make a list of moments you felt really loved. Then pick one or two to practice with. That is, remember these events in detail. Recreate the physical, emotional and mental experience of receiving love. Describe these details in your journal. Then you can recall these sensations any time you need to. When your inner critic just won’t quit. When you’re upset. When you’re anxious. Or every day, if you like.
Remember self-love is available to each of us. We might need to work on loving ourselves. We might need to see a therapist. We might need to work through a workbook on coping with emotions. We might need to better understand ourselves. We might need to own our experiences — all of them. We might need to start meditating, or to learn healthy ways to cope with our inner critic.
But we can.
As the authors write, “In the end, the choice to love or hate yourself is completely up to you, and you can choose to switch from self-loathing to loving yourself at any time, and for no reason at all!”

Make this choice. And, if it’s difficult to act on this choice, then identify what you need and how you can learn to love yourself.
Because, again, you can.

    Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 12 Apr 2015
    Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

20 Questions for Exploring Unconditional Self-Love

By Margarita Tartakovsky, MS
Associate Editor
~ 1 min read

Yesterday, we explored what unconditional self-love looks like. Today, I’m sharing some questions we can ask ourselves to start (or keep) loving ourselves unconditionally. Because I personally find it helpful to divide something as big as self-love into its many parts. I find it helpful to have prompts (like questions) to dive into and think through. One word. One sentence at a time. I hope you might, too.

• What does unconditional self-love look like for you on a daily basis?
• Does it consist of self-care? What kind of self-care?
• When you love yourself unconditionally, how do you wake up?
• When you love yourself unconditionally, how do you move your body?
• When you love yourself unconditionally, how do you speak to yourself?
• When you love yourself unconditionally, what kind of people do you hang out with?
• When you love yourself unconditionally, how do you eat?
• How do you go to sleep?
• What kinds of activities do you engage in?
• What does your home look and feel like?
• What beliefs underlie your self-love?
• What is one feeling you can accept and feel?
• What rules or conditions can you relinquish to love yourself unconditionally?
• How do you relinquish them? What steps can you take? For instance, this might include seeing a therapist.
• How can you tend to your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual needs?
• How are you thinking and feeling right now?
• What is your truth today?
• How do you love your closest people unconditionally? What does this entail?
• How can you start to love yourself in this way?
• When you think of loving yourself unconditionally, what reactions do you have? These might be a range of reactions, even contradictory ones, which, of course, is totally OK.

I know this is a longish list of questions. So pick the first question you feel like answering. Journal your response. Then when you’re ready, explore another question. Write whatever pops into your head, even if it doesn’t make sense right now.
Let your needs, wants, wishes, big dreams, insecurities, self-doubts spill out onto the paper. Let your mind and body speak the raw, bare, unvarnished truth.
In fact, isn’t this the first step of loving ourselves unconditionally? To listen intently to our thoughts, feelings, sensations, reactions — wholeheartedly open, without judgment, welcoming whatever arises.

   

SVAVA'S POST
Self Denial

For this third week of National Child Abuse Prevention month, I’d like to talk about self-denial.  Part of surviving child sexual abuse is learning to deny the reality of what’s happening to us. 

To do that, we made up stories about our families and ourselves.  It’s how we survive.  We push away the reality that someone we love and trust would hurt us again and again in this horrible, painful way. 

One of the stories we create is that the abuse is our fault.  We must be bad kids, or we must have done something wrong to merit this kind of horrendous “punishment.”  So we try harder to do better.  Perfectionism becomes our goal.  But that doesn’t work either.  The abuse continues no matter what.   

When you deny reality, you deny yourself.  Unfortunately, this is a toxic legacy we carry from our traumatized childhood into adulthood.  It warps our core beliefs about life, the world, and everyone around us.  When we deny ourselves, we disconnect from our hearts and our needs.  We deny who we truly are.

Yet it feels like such a risk to face reality.  And it is.  When we allow the truth about our past to unfold it changes everything.  It changes what we’ve always believed about ourselves, our personal relationships, and the future. 

But this is a risk we must take.  No matter how much you’d like to resist, you must step outside your comfort zone.  I know how that feels.  It’s like someone pulled the rug out from under you.  Yet you have to do it.  It’s the only way to end the pain, fear, anxiety, and frustration that poison your life.

So keep moving forward.  Trust the process.  You are an amazing human being, and you have been gifted with the tools and talent to do this.  You have!

One day you’ll look in the mirror, and you’ll realize you truly love who you’ve become.  But to do that, you need to stop denying yourself.  You need to ask yourself this question: “Who am I?”  The answer is the place where your healing journey begins.

********

Were you sexually abused as a child?  Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward?  I offer private coaching sessions by phone or skype ($55.00 per hour) for child sexual abuse survivors just like you.  To set up an appointment, call 619-889-6366 or email svava@educate4change.com today.  Take the time to invest in yourself.  You’re worth it!

GUEST BLOGGER:

SVAVA

Because April is National Child Abuse Prevention month, I thought I’d tell you a little about the work I do with Darkness to Light.   

Darkness to Light Stewards of Children is an organization dedicated to empowering people to prevent child sexual abuse.  Its programs raise awareness by educating adults about the steps they can take to prevent, recognize, and react responsibly when faced with the reality of child sexual abuse. 

I’m a certified instructor for Darkness to Light, and I train facilitators.  I love this work!  Why?  Because it allows me to teach people what they need to know, so they can return to their communities and educate others about how to keep kids safe.  Darkness to Light is proven, evidence-based, and it works. 

Here’s another reason why I’m such a big fan of this program. 

Ten years ago it wasn’t easy for me to talk about myself and the painful abuse I suffered as a child.  But I was deeply committed to this mission.  It had become a goal of mine.  I knew, without a doubt, this kind of training would have made all the difference in my childhood if the adults around me had known how to respond and keep me safe.  Darkness to Light gave me the tools I needed to achieve this goal and become a confident public speaker. 

But we all need to do our part.  Join the movement, get educated, and share what you’ve learned.  You could be saving a child’s life.  Maybe a child in your family.  If you’re interested in more information about Darkness to Light, you’ll find it here: http://www.d2l.org. 

As long as children are being sexually abused in this country, I’ll continue to provide Darkness to Light training wherever I can.  If you’re in San Diego, my next facilitator training session is April 11th.  There’s still room if you’d like to join me.  Just check out this page on my website for more details: http://www.educate4change.com/services.html  

Remember, we are stronger together.  We really are.

                                                                   ********
Were you sexually abused as a child?  Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward?  I offer private coaching sessions by phone or skype ($55.00 per hour) for child sexual abuse survivors just like you.  To set up an appointment, call 619-889-6366 or email svava@educate4change.com today.  Take the time to invest in yourself.  You’re worth it!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/ 

Hi, Everyone!

 

This is an update on the book and other bits of important matters.  The book is finally finished and we are now looking for a publisher.  It is with a couple of agents and when my RSD (Reflex Sympathetic  Dystrophy) a chronic painful nerve disease.  When that and my bronchitis get better I will write more.  Let me tell you about something else that's exciting.

 

 

April is National Child Abuse Month.  To celebrate this important month of awareness, I’d like to tell you about the blue ribbon I wear.  It’s not only the universal symbol for child abuse prevention, but it’s also part of the logo for the child sexual abuse (CSA) organization I co-founded in Iceland.

 

I love how this ribbon creates awareness!  Every time I wear it people ask about it.  That gives me the opportunity to talk about CSA and how important it is for adults, parents, and teens to be educated. 

 

As you can imagine, after 10 years of coaching abuse survivors and teaching about CSA, I have many blue ribbons pinned to most of my clothing. ;-)

 

 

Would you please wear a blue ribbon and tell people about child abuse and how important it is to help look for signs of abuse in children in their neighborhood and wherever they go.

Thank you.

 

Deborah Hunter Marsh

 

By the way please like my Facebook page.  It's important! 
https://www.facebook.com/DeliverUsFromEvilBook

 

Living from the Heart, Not the Hurt

 

What does that mean?  What does that look like?

 

Well, let me start by telling you what it doesn't look like.  My life is no longer ruled by the burden of fear, shame, and pain I carried from the sexual abuse I suffered as a child.  All of this negative emotion festered and snowballed from childhood into adulthood.  It almost took me down, damaging my relationships and my marriage.  I became my own worst enemy, expecting the worst of everyone.

 

 

 

Today, I live from the heart, knowing and believing I’m lovable, valuable, courageous, compassionate, gentle, loyal, and creative.  I’m a heart-centered person, and I deserve all the joy and peace the world has to offer.

 

I'm no longer a rigid, controlling, too-serious, shaming, sarcastic stick-in-the-mud, who takes everything personally and is always the victim of my circumstances.

 

Here’s the good news.  You’re also a creative, courageous, valuable, lovable person.  Embrace this truth.  It’s the “real” you! 

 

Private Coaching

 

 

Were you sexually abused as a child?  Are you stuck as an adult?  I know how that feels.  You’ve read all the right books, tried everything you can think of, and the same negative things keep happening in your life and relationships.  It’s a depressing hamster wheel, and you can’t figure out how to stop it.
 

 

 

 

 

I can help.  I went through all of that on my own healing journey and finally found my way out.  I can help you escape this awful cycle, too.

That’s why I offer private coaching for those stuck in this frustrating place.  Some just need an hour, and they can move forward again.  Others need more.  Everyone is different.  

I charge $55.00 per hour for Abuse Survivor Coaching.  Call me at 619-889-6366 or email svava@educate4change.com to set up an appointment.

If you need someone safe, someone who knows exactly how you feel and won’t judge, contact me.  We can talk about it.  I‘m always happy to listen.

 

 

 

Depression or Chronic Shame?

By Sarah Newman, MA 

When a person has been resistant to every form of depression treatment, is it possible that their illness stems from a different place? In a recent New York Times article Hillary Jacobs Hendel, a psychotherapist, writes about a patient who experienced what she calls “chronic shame.”
Hendel’s patient, Brian, had tried every type of treatment but electroconvulsive therapy, which he didn’t want to do. After meeting with him, she learned that he was neglected as a child.

During our initial sessions I developed a sense of what it was like to grow up in Brian’s home. Based on what he told me, I decided to treat him as a survivor of childhood neglect — a form of trauma. Even when two parents live under the same roof and provide the basics of care like food, shelter and physical safety, as Brian’s parents had, the child can be neglected if the parents do not bond emotionally with him … Brian had few memories of being held, comforted, played with or asked how he was doing.

Hendel says the “innate” response to this kind of environment is distress. Brian blamed himself for that distress, believing he was the reason why he felt so alone. He felt shame for being abnormal or wrong. “For the child, shaming himself is less terrifying than accepting that his caregivers can’t be counted on for comfort or connection.” This is called attachment trauma. It results from a child seeking safety and closeness from their parent — yet the parent is not close or safe.
Hendel also is a clinical supervisor with the AEDP Institute. She specializes in a treatment called accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy. Because Brian didn’t trust his own emotions, he was unable to use them as a compass for living, she explains. She aimed to use AEDP to bring this emotional life into awareness and allow Brian to experience his thoughts and emotions in an actively supportive environment.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/03/23/depression-or-chronic-shame/ 
 

British Airways told of pilot's abuse, victims claim
By Angus Crawford

The BBC has uncovered new evidence indicating British Airways was told of concerns about a pilot's behaviour.

First Officer Simon Wood allegedly sexually assaulted at least 50 children in Kenya and Uganda between 2001 and 2013.

It is believed that BA staff were told of concerns about Wood's behaviour twice in that time.

The airline says it's "shocked and horrified" by the allegations and that its "sympathies are with the victims."

A number of those victims are now suing the airline for compensation.

BA says it will "robustly" defend itself against the action.
Anonymous tip off
Wood, 54, from Potters Bar, Hertfordshire, flew BA routes to Kenya and Uganda for more than a decade.

There he volunteered at several charities including an AIDS orphanage.

In July 2013, Wood was arrested by police after an anonymous tip-off. He was charged with indecent assault and possessing indecent images.

In August that same year, shortly before he was due to appear in court, Wood killed himself.

It later emerged that he was first arrested over an indecent assault allegation in the UK in 2001.

Prosecutors ruled there was insufficient evidence to charge him.

In 2010, Wood won BA's Corporate Responsibility Award "for dedicating hours of his time" to charity work

Dismissed from charity
BBC News has learned that in July 2004 he was dismissed from the British board of Nairobi-based charity Nyumbani, because he had been found taking pictures at the charity of naked children at bath time.

Mike Johnson, another BA pilot who was also on the board, said: "Copies of the photographs were obtained and presented to the board".

Wood was removed from the board and told not to visit Nyumbani again.

Mike Johnson informed two senior managers at BA
(click link for the rest of the story)

 http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-31903011

Types of Dissociative Disorders

Written by Samantha Gluck

 

 Dissociative disorders run along a spectrum based on the severity of the symptoms. Find out about the different types of dissociative disorders along with their signs and symptoms

What are the types of dissociative disorders?

There are four major dissociative disorders:

• Dissociative amnesia
• Dissociative identity disorder
• Dissociative fugue
• Depersonalization disorder

What are the signs and symptoms of dissociative disorders?

Symptoms that are common to all 4 types of dissociative disorders include:

• Memory loss (amnesia) of certain time periods, events and people
• Mental health problems, including depression and anxiety
• A sense of being detached from yourself (depersonalization)
• A perception of the people and things around you as distorted and unreal (derealization)
• A blurred sense of identity

Each of the four major dissociative disorders is characterized by a distinct mode of dissociation. Dissociative disorder symptoms may include:

• Dissociative amnesia. Memory loss that's more extensive than normal forgetfulness and can't be explained by a physical or neurological condition is the hallmark of this condition. Sudden-onset amnesia following a traumatic event, such as a car accident, happens infrequently. More commonly, conscious recall of traumatic periods, events or people in your life — especially from childhood — is simply absent from your memory.
• Dissociative identity disorder. This condition, formerly known as multiple personality disorder, is characterized by "switching" to alternate identities when you're under stress. In dissociative identity disorder, you may feel the presence of one or more other people talking or living inside your head. Each of these identities may have their own name, personal history and characteristics, including marked differences in manner, voice, gender and even such physical qualities as the need for corrective eyewear. There often is considerable variation in each alternate personality's familiarity with the others. People with dissociative identity disorder typically also have dissociative amnesia.
• Dissociative fugue. People with this condition dissociate by putting real distance between themselves and their identity. For example, you may abruptly leave home or work and travel away, forgetting who you are and possibly adopting a new identity in a new location. People experiencing dissociative fugue typically retain all their faculties and may be very capable of blending in wherever they end up. A fugue episode may last only a few hours or, rarely, as long as many months. Dissociative fugue typically ends as abruptly as it begins. When it lifts, you may feel intensely disoriented, depressed and angry, with no recollection of what happened during the fugue or how you arrived in such unfamiliar circumstances.

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continue story below

http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/dissociative-identity-disorder/types-of-dissociative-disorders/

 

4 Things to Remember When You Feel Discouraged and Defeated

Marc and Angel Hack Life

angelc@marcandangel.com

 

This morning I didn’t feel like doing anything.  It’s a combination of exhaustion from a few days of hard work, and a lack of sleep with a baby in the house.

I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything important, which is a rare occurrence for me.  I just felt completely discouraged and defeated.  I started overthinking things and doubting myself, and wondering whether anything I do is worthwhile.

I sat there in this funk for nearly an hour and wondered how to get out of it.  Should I just forget about today?  Should I just give up on this project, because I’m not as good at it as I thought I was?

That’s what I was considering, at least for a little while.  But the better part of me knew this mild state of depression was temporary, and so I dug into my own intellectual toolbox for solutions – little tricks of the mind that can have a real effect on reality.

Here’s what works for me – four things to keep in mind (and do) when you feel discouraged and defeated:

1.  You are not the center of the universe (stop making it all about YOU). – I think we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us.  But this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren’t going exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.  So this morning, instead of worrying so much about myself, I thought about other people I might help.  Finding little ways to help others gets me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m not wallowing in self-pity anymore – I’m starting to think about what others need.  I’m not doubting myself, because the question of whether I’m good enough or not is no longer the central question.  The central question now is about what others need.  Thus, thinking about others instead of myself helps me move forward.

2.  You are more than one thing (loosen up and stretch your identity). – We all have this picture in our minds of ourselves – this idea of what kind of person we are.  When this idea gets threatened, we react defensively.  People may question whether we did a good job, and this threatens our idea of being a competent person, so we become angry or hurt by the criticism.  Someone falsely accuses us of something and this threatens our idea that we’re a good person, and so we get angry and argumentative.  My identity of myself as someone who’s motivated and productive and has great ideas… this was getting in the way this morning.  When I wasn’t productive, it made me feel defeated because I began subconsciously worrying that I wasn’t who I thought I was.  My solution was to realize that I’m not just one thing.  I’m not always productive – sometimes I am, but sometimes I’m unproductive too.  I’m not always motivated — sometimes I am, but other times I’m feeling lazy.  And obviously I don’t always have great ideas either – because that’s impossible.  The truth is, I can be many things, and remembering this helps me stretch my identity so it isn’t so fragile.  Then it doesn’t matter if someone thinks I didn’t do a good job – because I don’t always do a good job.  I make mistakes.  I am less than perfect.  And that’s perfectly OK.

3. Today is still a priceless gift (make the best of it). – I only have so many days left on Earth.  I don’t know how many that is, but I do know it’s a very limited number.  I know that each one of those limited days is a gift, a blessing… a miracle.  And that squandering this miracle is a crime – a horrible lack of appreciation for what I’ve been given.  And so, I reminded myself this morning that this day counts and that I still need to make the best of it.  That doesn’t mean I need to be hyper-productive or work myself into the ground, but that I should do something worthwhile.  Sometimes taking a break to nourish yourself is a worthwhile activity, because doing so allows you to regroup and do other worthwhile things.  But just sitting around in self-pity isn’t helpful.  So I got up and took my 7-month-old son for a long walk that we both enjoyed, and I came back feeling better.

4.  Even the tiniest possible step is progress. (take that tiny step). – It can be hard to get moving when you are seriously stuck.  This is how I felt a decade ago when I was stuck in a rut after simultaneously losing my breadwinning job and two loved ones to illness.  It was really hard to motivate myself when I didn’t think I had the strength to push forward – when I felt insanely horrible and sorry for myself.  But I took one tiny step every day, and it felt good, and I got stronger.  That’s what I did this morning too – I took the tiniest possible step.  Just turning on my computer, opening up a document, and writing a single sentence.  Such an action is so small as to seem insignificant, and yet so easy as to be possible when I was feeling defeated.  And it showed me the next step was possible, and the next.  And the end result is this email you’re reading now.

Yes, I’m still feeling out of it, but not defeated.  I’m feeling stronger, because I took these steps.

I know some of you feel the same way from time to time, maybe more often than you’d like to admit.  That’s OK.  We all do.  We aren’t machines, constantly charged up and ready to fire on all cylinders.  We are human, which means we falter, we doubt ourselves, and we feel pain sometimes.

This too shall pass...

And of course, if you're struggling with any of these points, know that you are not alone. 

Private Coaching

Svava Brooks is offering to be a therapist/coach for anyone who has been abused as a child.

She is charging only $55.00/hour for her services.  She has my complete endorsement.  She was sexually abused as a child and is the President of the Educate4Change organization and is a speaker at multiple media and children organizations.

You can contact her at 619-889-6366 or email her at svava@educate4change.com 

Got Issues? It’s All Your Parents’ Fault

By Jonice Webb

Everything that’s wrong in your life is the fault of your parents. Whatever your struggles, your mistakes and your pain, you are not to blame. You are an innocent victim of those who raised you.
At least that’s the way some folks interpret my definition of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).
The definition of CEN: A parent’s failure to respond enough to the child’s emotional needs. People who grow up this way go forward into adulthood out of touch with their own emotions, feeling empty, alone and disconnected, and are baffled about what is wrong with them.
Here’s a comment that was posted on Ten Steps to Learn Self-Discipline:
Are you saying that when a parent fails to teach their children this skill well enough, that parent is guilty of Childhood Emotional Neglect? This article was insulting.
I’ve received many such comments. They point to one of the biggest barriers I have encountered in my efforts to bring the concept of Childhood Emotional Neglect to more people: the discomfort of blaming the parents.
Despite the overwhelming body of research proving it, many people strongly resist the fact that their parents’ treatment of them in childhood had a profound effect upon who they are as adults. It is uncomfortable to blame our parents for the problems and issues that we experience in adulthood. It feels like letting ourselves off the hook. Some people consider it “whining.”


http://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/2015/02/got-issues-its-all-your-parents-fault/

 

12 Ways to Turn Your Wounds into Wisdom and Strength


At some point, you will come to realize that living the good life involves some amount of necessary pain, and that there are more flavors of pain than ice cream and coffee combined…
There’s the little empty pain of leaving something behind ‒ graduating, taking the next step, walking out of a familiar, safe situation and into the excitement of the unknown.  There’s the giant, whirling pain of life upsetting all of your big plans and expectations.  There’s the little sharp pains of making a mistake, and the more obscure aches of success, when it doesn’t make you feel as good as you thought it would.  There are the vicious, backstabbing pains of betrayal.  The sweet little pains of finding others who are worthy of your time, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn.  There’s the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend or lover and help them face their problems.
And on the best of days, there are the subtle, tingling pains you feel throughout your body when you realize that you’re standing in a moment of sweet perfection, an instant of great achievement, or happiness, or laughter, which at the same time cannot possibly last ‒ and yet will remain with you for the rest of your life.
Everyone is down on pain, and when we experience it we usually say we’re having a bad day, because we forget something important about what we’re going through: Pain is for the living – for those of us who still have the chance of a lifetime.  Only the dead don’t feel it, because their time is already up.
So with this in mind, here are twelve smart ways to turn all your daily wounds into wisdom and strength:

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/01/14/12-ways-to-turn-your-wounds-into-wisdom-and-strength/

 

10 Mental Health Facebook Pages To Like In 2015

By Richard Zwolinski, LMHC, CASAC & C.R. Zwolinski 


Number One
PsychCentral’s Facebook Page

Therapy and Outlook
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Community
Positive Thoughts
DBT Community

Specific Mental Health Issues
Depression: New Life Outlook
Living with Bipolar Disorder: Healthline
Anxiety and I: Community

Mental Health Causes
April25.org: Parental Alienation Is Child Abuse

Jewish Faith-Based Pages We Like
Breslov Therapy
Torah 12 Steps (Addiction)        

15 Ways to Live a Year with No Regrets

It’s a choice.  To be positive and free, or to be imprisoned by your own negativity.  To live in the past, or to be hopeful about the present.

With 2014 now behind us, I’m sitting here on the eighth anniversary of a dear family member’s passing, thinking about the last conversation I had with her.  With a soft, weak voice she told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she had in the final two years of her life, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  “I’ve accomplished so much recently,” she told me.  “If I had only known, I would have started sooner.”
Her words have been a pulsing wake-up call to me ever since.  And today, I hope they help change your perspective too.
As Kurt Vonnegut once said, “Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are: “It might have been.”
So with a New Year upon you, realize that you have a priceless opportunity!  Forget the past year.  Forget your age and what could’ve or should’ve been.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  At the end of it, let there be no excuses, no explanations and no regrets.
Here are 15 great ideas to get you to December 31st, 2015 with a smile on your face and a sense of accomplishment in your heart…

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/01/01/15-ways-to-live-a-year-with-no-regrets/#more-803