Living the Simple Life

zen habits : breathe

‘A man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can afford to let alone.’ ~Henry David Thoreau

For almost 9 years now, I’ve been learning to live a simple life.

A life uncluttered by most of the things people fill their lives with, and left with space for what really matters. A life that isn’t constant busy-ness and rushing, but contemplation and creation, connection with people I love and time for nature and activity.

That doesn’t mean I have zero clutter and zero complications: I’m a part of the world, not a secluded monk. I have possessions, electronics, distractions, and occasional busy-ness. I just have reduced it to make space.

Today I’ve been reflecting on this simple life, and thought I’d share some of those reflections.

Some things I’ve learned about living the simple life:

• Decluttering your home and work space can lead to a less cluttered mind. These visual distractions pull on us in more ways than we realize.
• A quiet unrushed morning is a thing to treasure. I wake early so that I have some quiet time to read, write, meditate.
• You can’t have a simple life if you’re unwilling to let go of what you’re used to.
• Letting go can be difficult, but is easier if you do a one-month challenge. Let go of something for a month and see whether you like it or not.
• Letting go of cable TV was one of the best things we did early on — no more constant television in my home, no more ads for crappy things we don’t need.
• Shopping isn’t therapy. It’s a waste of time and money.
• If you’re filling your life with distractions, its probably because you’re afraid of what life would be like without constant Internet, social media, news, TV, games, snacks.
• Simple, whole, healthy food is not only much healthier than junk food: it’s a pleasure.
• You have to make time for what’s important: time with your kids, time with your spouse, time for creating, time for exercise. Push everything else aside to make time.
• Overcommitting is the biggest sin against simple living most people make. I painfully cut out a huge number of commitments to simplify my life, and I’m glad I did. I do this every year or so because I keep forgetting.
• I keep my days mostly unstructured and unscheduled so that I have room for the little things that are so important: reading with my child, going for a walk, taking a nap.
• I have certain activities I do almost every day, though not on a schedule: writing, reading, eating healthy meals, doing a workout or playing with the kids outdoors, processing my email inbox, reading with the kids.
• It’s easy to fill up our lives because there are so many things that sound amazing. We hear about what others are doing and instantly want to add that to our lives. But it’s harder to remember that by adding so many things to our lives, we are subtracting space. And that space is important.
• By saying no to things that sound really cool, I’m saying yes to what’s truly important to me.
• Distractions are both more tempting and more destructive than we realize.
• It’s tempting to fill in every little minute of the day with productivity or distractions. Don’t. Leave some emptiness.
• We put too much emphasis on excitement. It’s temporary, and not important.
• We overemphasize productivity. Focus, priorities and effectiveness are more important. So is a nice walk with a loved one.
• If you can’t learn to sit in a quiet room alone with no distractions, you won’t be able to simplify.
• Buying things doesn’t solve our problems. Neither does food.
• It’s not how few things we own that matters. It’s whether we make those things count.
• It’s better to have six books on your shelf that you’re really going to read than a hundred you never get around to.
• When you travel lightly, you’re freer, less burdened, less tired. This applies to life, not just travel.
• Your attention is your most valuable possession. Give it as a gift to the people you love most, not a bunch of clowns on the Internet. Give it to the work that matters most, not distractions.
• Sometimes distractions are nice.

‘Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.’ ~Winnie the Pooh

      Posted by Thai Nguyaen from the book--  Zen Habits book

 

Why Are Adult Coloring Books So Popular?
By Don Sebastian

The coloring books for adults have intricate patterns to color. Some say these are psychologically based patterns to relieve tension. Actually, it's the coloring we do that causes us to relax and as a result these books are extremely popular.

Years ago, I remember catching my wife coloring away with a quiet yet enthusiastic demeanor when I came home from work early around 4:00pm. She was sitting with our three children (all under 8 years at the time and all quietly coloring) in our den. I went up to give her my usual hello kiss and didn't get her attention right away as she was totally absorbed coloring.
"Oh you're home early?" she said continuing to color.
"Yeah, what's up?"

"We're just keeping out of trouble... , kids like to color... " I didn't think much about her enthusiasm at the time, and was happy she was having a break.

Remember the Wham-O's Hula Hoop rage where millions found a lot of enjoyment and fun with such a simple hoop. But coloring is different? It's more individualistic and peaceful to yourself and others around you. Adult coloring now is a rage for adults in the modern world.

I researched adult coloring and read the back and forth movement of the crayon, colored pencil, or marker does in fact have a calming effect since it requires the use of both sides of the brain causing neurons to reinforce their connections between both sides while shutting down the frontal lobe which controls organization. So, a feeling of balance occurs after a stressful day. Coloring gives relief to the daily demands of attention focusing at work, stress of everyday life, information overload, intense competition, intense play, intense everything at times.

Johanna Basford's, "Secret Garden: An Inky Treasure Hunt and Coloring Book" seems to have started the adult coloring book rage in 2011. This book may be a collector's item someday - like an original hula hoop.

Basford, a Scottish commercial artist doing a lot of intricate black and white patterns for wallpapers, beer bottles, wine labels was originally asked to do a children's coloring book but she convinced her British publisher to have her do an adult coloring book since her clients enjoyed coloring in her patterns. Well, we all know after two million copies were sold, Johanna found a new niche for adults to enjoy worldwide.

Johanna doesn't use computers to assist her drawings as she believes computer generated works are soulless.
Her success speaks for itself as she does work for Sony, Chipotle, Absolute Vodka and other major clients from her little studio in Aberdeenshire, Scotland. Her original book shows signs of the Brodick Castle Gardens on the Isla of Arran where Johanna played as a child.

You can get many free adult coloring books on the web or you may want to get the book that started this new fad, Johanna Basford's "Secret Garden:An Inky Treasure Hunt and Coloring Book." and her new one "Enchanted Forest, An Inky Quest."

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Don_Sebastian

 

 

On Sunday, August 30, at 10/9 Central, the TLC channel will air the premiere of "Breaking the Silence." It has been an incredible experience participating in the development of this groundbreaking film addressing the issue of child sexual abuse. This film communicates the importance of adult responsibility and prevention. Don't forget to set your DVRs or tune in to this special commercial-free program. Join us on Twitter before and during the premiere, using the hashtag #BeTheVoice, to discuss the film and how to protect children from sexual abuse.

30 Quick Stories that Will Make You Think Differently
Written by Marc Chernoff

This morning I randomly received emails from three different blog subscribers (subscribe here) that basically said the same thing about three completely different articles: “The story you shared at the beginning of the post made me think differently.  Thank you.”

In light of this, I just spent an hour sifting through our blog archive and re-reading the intro stories to dozens of older posts.  And I couldn’t agree more with the sentiment of our subscribers.  Even when taken out of the larger context of a full blog post, these quick stories pack a thought-provoking punch.  So, I figured it would be a fun to re-share them with you today.  I hope you appreciate them as much as I do…

This morning, like he has every morning for the last decade, my 86-year-old grandfather picked a fresh wild flower on his morning walk and took it to my grandmother.  This morning I decided to go with him to see her.  And as he placed the flower on her gravestone, he looked at me and said, “I just wish I had picked her a fresh flower every morning when she was alive.  She would have loved that.”

Today, on my 47th birthday, I re-read the suicide letter I wrote on my 27th birthday about two minutes before my girlfriend showed up at my apartment and told me, ‘I’m pregnant.’  She was honestly the only reason I didn’t follow through with it.  Suddenly I felt I had something to live for.  Today she’s my wife, and we’ve been happily married for 19 years.  And my daughter, who is now a 21-year-old college student, has two younger brothers.  I re-read my suicide letter every year on my birthday as a reminder to be thankful – I am thankful I got a second chance at life.

After injuring my back, losing my job because of it, being evicted from our apartment, moving in with Laura’s parents, nursing my five-year-old through a nearly fatal bout of strep throat, I was stuck in a tragic rut for far too long.  And I was sitting on the front porch of my in-law’s house feeling sorry for myself, yet again, when my old college buddy called me crying and said, ‘Mel-Mel-Melissa, my baby girl, just died in a car wreck.’  And suddenly I felt like the lucky one.
 http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/08/19/30-quick-stories-that-will-make-you-think-differently/

Widespread Child Sexual Abuse Case Rocks Pakistan

HUSSAIN KHAN WALA, Pakistan — Pakistani officials have initiated an investigation into allegations that a gang of men sexually abused more than 200 children and sold videos of the abuse.

The accusations have rocked the country, drawing the attention and condemnation of human rights activists and politicians in a case that involved subjects long considered taboo here.

At least 280 children under the age of 14 from three villages in eastern Punjab Province were said to have been subjected to sexual abuse by a gang of 15 men, who made videos to extort money from the children and their parents. Seven of the accused have been arrested, police officials said Sunday.

The accusations of abuse started trickling out last month as victims began to report it to the police, and last Tuesday, hundreds of residents staged a protest, accusing the police and local politicians of protecting the gang members and ignoring the accusations. Some of the protesters clashed with the police, and dozens of people were injured, including several police officers.

On Saturday, details of the abuse were carried by The

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/10/world/asia/widespread-child-sex-abuse-case-rocks-pakistan.html?_r=1

update on book

 

The book, deliver us from evil, is now being edited by the publisher, electio publishing.  When it is finished being edited and pictures inserted, it will move into production and printing.  Only 3 months until it will be available for purchase.  We are very excited about offering it to the world on November 17^TH!

8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong
Written by Marc Chernoff

“The best way out is always through.”
―Robert Frost

“Today, I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed.  But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one.  Up until now I have had no health problems.  I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins.  Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds.  None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”




That’s an entry from my grandmother’s journal, dated 9/16/1977.  I photocopied it and pinned it to my bulletin board about a decade ago.  It’s still there today, and it continues to remind me that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for.  And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.
Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.
Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:

1.  Pain is part of growing.

Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward.  And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to.  When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose.  Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.  Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing.  Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there.  Good things take time.  Stay patient and stay positive.  Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually


http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/01/08/8-things-to-remember-when-everything-goes-wrong/

5 things you don't understand about depression

Aaron Anderson

The recent death of Robin Williams has brought a lot of attention to depression. It's tragic that a beautiful life of laughter such as Robin Williams' could be cut short without it being the result of an accident or chronic illness like cancer.

But the truth is, Robin Williams' death WAS the result of a chronic illness. But instead of it being a more noticeable chronic illness (like cancer) it was the result of less obvious chronic illness called depression.

Many people misunderstand depression. In fact, many people don't even know that depression can be a chronic illness. Despite that depression has been around for ages, there are still many misunderstandings and misperception about depression and those who suffer from it.
So in an effort to help you understand and help those around you who suffer from depression, here are 5 things you probably don't understand about depression:

1. Depression is debilitating

A lot of people think that depression is just really bad sadness. And people think that because it's "just really bad sadness" you should be able to continue with life as you always have until you get over it. But depression isn't the same "everyday sadness" that comes and goes.

Depression is different from regular sadness because it is debilitating. In other words, it keeps people from being able to live the life they want to live. In fact, The World Health Organization has identified depression as the fourth leading cause of disability around the world and projects it to be the second leading cause by 2020.

 

http://familyshare.com/from-a-therapist-5-things-you-dont-understand-about-depression

Surviving Child Sexual Abuse

By Psych Central Staff

 

What is child sexual abuse?

Child sexual abuse is any sexual behavior directed toward a child by a person who has power over that child. Such behavior always involves a betrayal of the child’s trust.
Some forms of sexual abuse involve physical contact. These include masturbation, intercourse, fondling, oral sex, and anal or vaginal penetration with objects. Other types of sexual abuse, such as exhibitionism, leering, and sexual suggestiveness, do not involve physical contact.

People who sexually abuse children do so in order to meet their own needs. Abusers do not have the child’s best interest in mind. Abusers need not be strangers. They can be anyone in a position of power or trust: fathers, uncles, cousins, stepfathers, siblings, mothers, teachers, babysitters, neighbors, grandparents, peers, clergy, or doctors.

How prevalent is child sexual abuse?

It has been estimated that 20-40 percent of girls and 2-9 percent of boys are sexually abused by the time they reach eighteen. These are probably conservative estimates since many incidents of sexual abuse are never reported.

Child Sexual Abuse in Asian American Communities

Little is known about the prevalence of child sexual abuse in Asian American communities. Existing research overwhelming suggests that the reporting of sexual abuse of Asian American children is proportionately lower than those for other ethnic groups. This could mean that the prevalence of child sexual abuse is lower in Asian Americans and/or that Asian Americans are not as likely to report when child sexual abuse does happen.

Surprisingly, lack of self-confidence is not necessarily related to lack of ability. Instead it is often the result of focusing too much on the unrealistic expectations or standards of others, especially parents and society. Friends’ influences can be as powerful or more powerful than those of parents and society in shaping feelings about one’s self. Students in their college years re-examine values and develop their own identities and thus are particularly vulnerable to the influence of friends.

A 1992 research report by Rao and colleagues suggest that Asian American children may respond differently than other ethnic groups. Unlike children from other groups, Asian Americans are more likely to express thoughts of suicide or attempt suicide and less likely to respond with anger or inappropriate sexual behaviors.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/surviving-child-sexual-abuse/

 

Supreme Court allows child abuse disclosure to teachers as evidence

by D2L on
June 30, 2015 | 14:37pm                                                  
                                                         

 By Sam Hananel for ABC News Statements that children make to teachers about possible abuse can be used as evidence, even if the child does not testify in court, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously on Thursday. The ruling is expected to make it easier for prosecutors to convict people accused of domestic violence. The justices said that defendants don't have a constitutional right to cross-examine child accusers unless their statements to school officials were made for the primary purpose of creating evidence for prosecution. The case involves Darius Clark, a Cleveland...


http://www.d2lblog.com/2015/06/30/supreme-court-allows-child-abuse-disclosure-to-teachers-as-evidence/

 

The #1 Key: How to Help a Person Dealing with Depression

By Louise Pontin

Don’t look for someone who will solve all your problems. Look for someone who won’t let you face them alone.” — Unknown

Depression for me is like constantly walking up a hill.
Most of the time the hill has only a one percent gradient. You can hardly even tell it’s a hill. I walk, run, jump, skip along, doing cartwheels and stopping to smell pretty flowers and listen to bird-calls; it’s sunny and warm, with clear blue skies.
Even though I have to put in a little bit of effort to walk up, times are good.

And then something happens in my life, like I lose my job, I have to move, or I’m having ongoing arguments with my partner, and my hill starts to get a bit steeper.
It’s still reasonably easy climbing, but it takes a little more effort. It gets a bit darker around me, like the sun has just gone behind the clouds. But it’s fine. I can do it.
And then some other things happen, like I’m feeling stressed out because it’s exam time, and I call my friend to hang out but she doesn’t have the time, and I injure myself and can’t do my usual activities anymore — and my hill gets even steeper.
And then all of a sudden, almost without me realizing it, I’m on hands and knees, crawling up this really steep hill.
It gets kind of dark around me, and pretty windy, like a storm is brewing. The temperature drops, I get goosebumps. But I don’t look at the darkness around and behind me. I am still aiming for the spot of brightness at the top. I know I’ll get there soon.
I struggle to make eye contact with people, go out to social events, or call friends back, because I’m so focused on just making it up the hill.
And then some other things happen, like I get a virus, or someone I love dies. And then my hill is so steep it’s like climbing a ladder, but slippery and made of grass and dirt and rocks.


http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/06/28/the-1-key-how-to-help-a-person-dealing-with-depression/  

 

 

Darkness2Light National Organization Dear Deborah, Summer is often a favorite time of the year for everyone, but especially for kids. Vacations, sports activities, faith-based programs, camps, and others provide a variety of ways for children to enjoy their time before heading back to school. As parents and concerned adults, it's important that we know how to keep the children in our lives safe as they participate in all the activities the summer has to offer. Important steps to planning a safe and happy summer include choosing the right programs and ensuring there are policies in place to protect your child. I hope this short video will be a useful tool to support you in that process.
	Carol Hogue's Tips for Keeping Kids Safer This Summer
Imagine if all of the adults caring for your child were trained how to prevent, recognize, and react responsibly to child sexual abuse. At Darkness to Light, our goal is to educate adults on the prevention of child sexual abuse. You can help make this happen! For a donation as little as $10, we can train one person through our Stewards of Children®  training. For $350, we can train one facilitator who can then start educating a community. Regardless of the amount of your gift, it will go a long way in preventing child sexual abuse. Please support our work to end child sexual abuse by giving today. Gifts from friends like you make it possible for us to train the adults that care for your child, including summer staff and volunteers serving youth. Funds received by June 30th will make an immediate impact for this summer, so please make your donation today. I’m choosing to make a difference. I hope you will too. Sincerely,

8 Misconceptions about Mental Health and Mental Illness

By Nathan Falde
~ 2 min read

There are still many myths floating around out there about mental illness, ranging from the absurd to the contradictory to the somewhat plausible. All are equally false. Unfortunately, these ideas make it harder for those suffering from mental health troubles to get the support and attention they need.
Below are eight misconceptions about mental health and mental illness:

1. Mental illness is destructive, but thankfully it is still not all that common. According to a recent study by the National Institute of Mental Health, 18.6 percent of American adults (43.7 million people) will suffer from some form of mental illness in any given year. Among the adolescent age group (ages 13 to 18), the figure hovers right around the 20 percent mark. Up to 45 percent of these victims will have two or more diagnosable conditions simultaneously, while approximately six percent of the population currently suffers from a severe, disabling form of mental health disorder.
2. The incidence of mental illness has been exaggerated by doctors trolling for patients and pharmaceutical companies looking for easy targets. Mental health disorders are real and cause significant suffering. If the incidence of mental illness seems extraordinarily high, it is only because people are acknowledging what had previously been kept hidden behind a wall of shame and denial.
3. Some of the so-called “mentally ill” are just making excuses for their weakness or failure. These people need to stop whining, get up off the couch and go find a job. Anyone who claims mental health conditions are the bogus rationalizations of the chronic underachiever is talking out of his or her you-know-what. Mental health disorders don’t discriminate based on age, race, gender, ethnicity, occupation (or lack thereof), religion, social strata, economic class, ethnic background, political party or life philosophy.
4. When people are mentally ill, they can’t hold down a job or take care of themselves and their families properly. This is sometimes true with respect to the more severe forms of mental illness, but the majority of those suffering from mental health disorders are able to meet their work requirements and fulfill their family responsibilities most of the time. But because so many sufferers seem fine, even those closest to them don’t realize how much they’re hurting.
5. The mentally ill should be feared because of their propensity for violence. Every study carried out on the subject has found that people suffering from mental illness are more likely to become the victims of violence than to be its perpetrators. And when those with mental health troubles do become violent, it tends to be related to that abuse. According to one recent study, mentally ill people subjected to violence are 11 times more likely to become violent themselves, which suggests that their actions are frequently in self-defense.
6. Mental health disorders are biological. That is what the latest science shows. This is partially true but not entirely accurate. Medical researchers are studying the neurological factors of mental illness now because the technology allows them to, and that has given them insight into aspects of these conditions that were previously neglected or not well understood. Mental illness has a strong biological/neurological component, but a reductionist equation that reduces it to this status inhibits understanding by ignoring important environmental and psychological factors.
7. People can recover from depression or anxiety disorders with drugs alone; in fact this is the only type of treatment that really works for these conditions. Psychiatrists routinely prescribe medication to help with these disorders, and that is grounded in evidence-based practice. But pharmaceuticals work best (when they work, which isn’t always) if used temporarily and in conjunction with psychotherapy, peer support groups and self-help strategies designed to eliminate lifestyle triggers connected to the onset or worsening of the disease.
8. When the mentally ill attempt suicide, it is a cry for help. People suffering from mental health disorders will become suicidal only if their earlier, actual cries for help were not noticed, acknowledged or taken seriously. Failed suicide attempts by the mentally ill are a sign that urgent and immediate intervention is required, but the best course of action is to respond to the initial cries for help at the time they actually occur.

DARKNESS TO LIGHT

Deborah,

A child is alone in the restroom and an adult tries to walk in. What would you do?

This was a decision faced by a young recreation center employee. The facility had a policy prohibiting isolated, one-on-one situations and so the employee was holding the door for children to use the facility restroom one at a time. When the adult tried to walk in, the employee stood his ground and said, “I am sorry but you can’t use the restroom while the children are using it.”

This young man had been trained in Darkness to Light’s Stewards of Children^® prevention program and knew that more than 80% of child sexual abuse occurs in isolated situations. This training empowered him to choose the child’s protection over the discomfort of saying no to an adult.

You might think you’d know what to do if a child were at risk, but the right answer isn’t always obvious. That’s why Darkness to Light partners with local organizations to make sure all adults can access the resources they need to protect the children in their community.

Preventing child sexual abuse is our shared responsibility, and there are simple things you can do to keep the children in your life safe. Click here to take Darkness to Light’s Stewards of Children^® training for free and become empowered to protect children in your community. Due to the tremendous demand for our May campaign, we’ve extended free trainings for a limited time only. Use code June2015 to get your free training.

Adults can prevent child sexual abuse, but only when they empower themselves with the knowledge and tools to protect children. When you connect with local resources and learn the steps to protection, you help make your community safer for children.
Thank you,
Cindy McElhinney
Director of Programs, Darkness to Light
*Free training has been made possible through a generous grant provided by the Cornerstone OnDemand Foundation.




This is a regular letter I get from Darkness to Light, an organization that I donate money to frequently.  Donating money is one way I can help make sure the education of children and adults about child abuse goes on.  I don't know if you know this but I am disabled and can't walk so I can't help by getting trained to go out in the community and teach these things but I can donate some money.  Maybe you could take the training and/or donate money.

I am donating 10% profit from the sale of my books to Darkness to Light so you have 3 options: buy my book in November which will be around $15.99, take the training for free or donate money to them. 

DO YOUR DUTY TO HELP CHILDREN BE SAFE EVERY WHERE!

 

8 Symptoms That May Require A Mental Health Evaluation

By Támara Hill, MS

 

 

Last week I wrote about 8 Symptoms that should not always be labeled a mental illness. Life is life. We are all going to experience the worst of it and the best of it. We should not be so quick to label ourselves “disordered” until we evaluate every aspect of what could be happening to us.

Clinicians and mental health professionals should also be careful not to quickly pathologize every client that comes through their doors. But sadly, there are way too many people in the world, including some mental health professionals, who either downplay or exaggerate mental health symptoms. There is often no in-between. Although we all would like to maintain the idea that most people are mentally healthy and well adjusted, we cannot ignore the fact that there are millions of people (children, adolescents, adults) who are struggling with mental health symptoms every single day of their lives. They are struggling with mild, moderate, and severe symptoms that seem to make their future grim. This article will discuss symptoms that should never be ignored or downplayed and possibly be evaluated by a mental health professional.

Unfortunately, the field of psychiatry and psychotherapy lacks a manual that would provide concrete direction on how to identify mental illness. Of course, we are all familiar with the DSM (and ALL of its many versions and revisions) but this is certainly not enough for the perplexities of life. The DSM provides minimal guidelines to help guide mental health professionals and to help them communicate, using a common language, more appropriately. But the manual does not provide the concrete answers many people seek about their lives and their health. Making a diagnosis using the DSM often includes a mediocre process of elimination. Sometimes this process is completely on point, while at other times is is completely off point. As a result, determining when a symptom (or constellation of symptoms) is a problem, can take a lifetime. For those individuals who are insightful about their psychiatric and emotional needs, deciding to pursue mental health treatment is often an easy process. But for those individuals who are often in denial, struggle with acceptance of reality, or lack a great deal of insight into themselves, pursuing mental health treatment is not something they are willing to do or even talk about. That’s why it’s important that others (family, friends, spouses, etc.) become knowledgeable about the symptoms and behaviors that signal that there is a very big problem.

Because it’s very difficult for many of us, primarily those without a clinical background, to identify when a symptom or behavior might indicate that psychiatric treatment is needed, I have compiled a list of symptoms and behaviors that should always prompt us to either seek treatment ourselves or encourage another person to seek treatment. This list is a list I often provide to parents and families who see me. Some of the problematic behaviors and symptoms include:

1. Frequent and dangerous sexual acting out: I have previously worked with juvenile delinquents within a mental health/juvenile agency. Most of these youths presented with high levels of anxiety, extreme traumatic histories, and frequent sexual acting out. Sadly, the children weren’t the only individuals sexually acting out. Many of their parents also engaged in similar behaviors such as sending nude pictures of themselves using their cell phone or Facebook accounts (“sexting”), prostituting, entertaining multiple partners, or maintaining an open marriage or relationship (without boundaries or sexual precautions).

Although we are human beings who should not be ashamed of our sexuality, we must be appropriate, respect ourselves, and have some insight into how our sexuality affects our lives. For individuals who lack insight, there is a problem. The problem could be psychological (looking for approval, feeling rejected, etc), emotional (looking for love or companionship), or trauma-based (the result of a traumatic and abusive past).


http://blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers/2015/06/8-symptoms-that-may-require-a-mental-health-evaluation/

 

 

5 Powerful Rituals of Mentally Strong People


“Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.”
―Maya Angelou

“My dad is a blind cancer survivor.  He lost both his eyes when he was in his early 30’s to a rare form of cancer.  Despite this, he raised my sister and I, and took care of my mom who was in and out of rehab for alcoholism and depression.  My mom is a fully recovered alcoholic now, my sister and I have graduated college, and my parents are still together and back to being happy.  I’m certain none of this would have been possible if my dad hadn’t been such a resilient, positive force in our lives.  My dad’s mental strength literally saved our family.”

Those are lines right out of an email I received this morning from Kristin, a coaching/course student of ours (I’m sharing this with permission).  Her portrayal of her dad is both inspiring and a wonderful reminder of the importance of inner resilience.  With enough mental strength, an ordinary human being can be an extraordinary hero.

And you don’t have to be born mentally strong either.  You can develop this vital trait with practice.  Here are five key things people with remarkable mental strength do daily:

1.  They use passion and love to fuel their drive to get the hard things done.

Life is not easy, which is why you have to do hard things to be happy in life.  The things no one else is doing.  The things that frighten you.  The things others can’t do for you.  The things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward.
Because those are the things that define you.  Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living --

between knowing the path and walking the path – between a life of defeat and a life filled with happiness and success.

Adversity is an inevitability, and it’s much like walking in to a turbulent windstorm.  As you fight to push through it, you not only gain strength, but it tears away from you all but the essential parts of you that cannot be torn.

Once you come out of the storm you see yourself as you really are in raw form, still holding the passions and values that move you, and little else.  These are the lusts that matter – the inner love and vows that define you.  It is this kind of love that drives you forward and even when the going gets tough.  It is this kind of love that strengthens the mind, body and soul.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)

(more)
http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/05/31/5-powerful-rituals-of-mentally-strong-people/#more-818

 

ANNOUNCEMENT  !ANNOUNCEMENT !

THE BOOK HAS BEEN ACCEPTED FOR PUBLISHING BY ELECTIO PUBLISHING AND A TENTATIVE RELEASE DATE OF NOVEMBER 17, 2015.  HOORAY!!! 

I AM VERY EXCITED FOR ALL OF YOU TO HAVE THIS BOOK TO HELP YOU IF YOU'VE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED IN ANYWAY.  CHAPTER 14 ALONE IS WORTH THE PRICE OF THE BOOK.  THIS CHAPTER FOCUSES MAINLY ON THERAPY AND HAS SOME FUNNY STORIES AND SOME SERIOUS STORIES AND INFORMATION.  IT'S A MUST READ FOR ANYONE ABUSED IN ANY WAY OR IF YOUR EGO HAS TAKEN A BEATING OVER THE YEARS!!!

THERE WILL BE UPDATES AS THE RELEASE DATE OF NOVEMBER 17TH GETS CLOSER.  IT WILL BE AVAIABLE THROUGH ELECTIO PUBLISHING http://www.electiopublishing.com/ OR BY GOING TO AMAZON.  IF YOU'RE NOT IN A HURRY FOR THE BOOK!! PLEASE BUY IT ON ELECTIO AS I MAKE A LITTLE MORE MONEY.  BUT I MOSTLY CARE THAT YOU JUST GET IT SO GO TO AMAZON IF YOU WANT THE PAPERBACK IN TWO DAYS. 

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND ASSISTANCE DURING THIS JOURNEY!!  HANG IN THERE JUST A BIT LONGER AND YOU'LL HAVE A GREAT BOOK.  EVEN IF YOU BUY THE BOOK ON ELECTIO YOU CAN LEAVE AN AMAZING REVIEW ON AMAZON.  REVIEWS ARE VERY IMPORTANT!! SO PLEASE LEAVE A GOOD REVIEW ON AMAZON http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/handle-buy-box/ref=dp_start-bbf_1_glance  IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE BOOK, LEAVE YOUR REVIEW HERE UNDER COMMENTS OR ON OUR WEBSITE http://www.deliverusfromevil.us/ .  AGAIN THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND YOUR REVIEWS.

Deborah Hunter-Marsh
  with Rebecca Hunter

7 Reasons it’s Time to Move On and Embrace Change

 

Change isn’t part of the process; it is the process.  The bad news: nothing is permanent.  The good news: nothing is permanent

 

 

Today, with the help of a friend, Brian Gardner (check out his inspiring site), we made the first design change to our site in nearly a decade.
Yes, a decade.
If you think about how drastically the internet and technology has matured in the past ten years, it’s impossible not to wonder why we didn’t update our site design sooner.
All details aside – and there are plenty of them – the answer is: Resistance to change.
Sure, in the past we’ve preached about prioritizing content over design.  And yeah, it wasn’t broken, so we didn’t absolutely need to fix it.  But these rationalities were just covering up the fact that we were stuck in our comfort zones.
In this subtle, yet obvious way, we weren’t practicing what we preach.  But thankfully we finally caught ourselves and came to our senses.
And as we rolled out the new design this morning, I couldn’t help but appreciate the synchronicity of this short email from a coaching/course student that popped up in my inbox at the same exact time (I’m sharing this with permission):
“I just wanted to send a quick note of thanks.  Today marks a full year that I’ve been eating right and working out regularly, which is, as you know, something I resisted for years.  This time last year I weighed 312 pounds.  When I saw my weight on the scale at the doctor’s office I knew it was time for a change.  And after some much-needed coaching from you and Angel, a year of exercising my willpower, and using no dieting pills or gastric bands or anything, I went back to the doctor’s office for my annual check-up.  ‘199 lbs,’ my doctor said.  ‘You know, your positive lifestyle change just added roughly 10 years to your life expectancy.’  My 9-year-old daughter, who came with me, grabbed my hand and said, ‘I look forward to spending those extra years with you, daddy.’”
Wow!  Talk about a beautiful reminder to embrace positive change in your life.
Yes, you may feel resistance, like Angel and I did with our site’s redesign.  It may not be easy.  But we all have to stretch our comfort zones and move our lives forward.
The truth is, living is a risk.  Happiness is a risk.  If you’re not a little scared sometimes, then you’re not doing it right.  Don’t worry about mistakes and failures, worry about what you’re giving up when you don’t even try.  Worry about the life you’re not living and the opportunities you’re forgoing, as you merely exist in the safety of your comfort zone.  Give yourself permission to be one of the people who survived doing it wrong, who made mistakes, but recovered from them and grew into your strongest self.



http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/05/20/7-reasons-its-time-to-move-on-and-embrace-change/



 



Is it Time to Divorce Your Family?

5/4/2015

 

To survive growing up in a sexually abusive home, you had to deny what you witnessed, felt, and experienced.  You had to numb and repress it.  Like every child, you thought you could trust your family, the people who were supposed to love and care for you.  Instead, they hurt you and ignored you.

This is your reality as a sexually abused child.  This is your “truth.”  An important part of the healing process is to accept this truth on a conscious level.  However don’t make the mistake of seeking validation for the reality of your past from the family that ignored it.  You may be ready to heal, but that doesn’t mean they are. 

The sooner you stop seeking validation from the “wrong people,” the faster you’ll recover.  If the wrong people are your family, then it might be time to divorce them and walk away for a while. 

Healing is the process of identifying your negative beliefs and exchanging them for new, positive, empowering beliefs.  Going back to the people who refuse to validate your truth only reinforces those negative beliefs.

Your greatest support and validation will come from fellow survivors.  These are the people you meet online and locally in groups for the victims of child sexual abuse.  You’ll also receive tremendous support and guidance from professional Abuse Survivor Coaches, who are often abuse survivors themselves. 

These people are the ones who “get” where you’re coming from.  Your reality is their reality.  Your truth is their truth.

Sometimes you have to divorce the family you were born into and walk away.  Coaches and your fellow survivors are the ones who will validate your truth, nourish your soul, and support you on this exciting healing journey you’ve undertaken.  

Walk toward them.  They’re the “family” you can count on.

********

Were you sexually abused as a child?  Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward?  Svava Brooks is a child sexual abuse survivor, as well as a certified CSA instructor and an Abuse Survivor Coach.  She offers private coaching sessions by phone or skype for child sexual abuse survivors just like you.  For more information, email svava@educate4change.com or call 619-889-6366.  Let Svava help you move forward again on your healing journey!

 

 

Irish Courts Are Enabling & Encouraging Pedophiles To Live In Ireland

Anybody that follows my work and or writings will know that for a long time now I have spoken out about how horrific the level of abuse is in Ireland. Today another situation has arisen that will shock so many people around the world, yet it doesn't shock me as it is part of the over all IGNORANCE IN IRELAND BY THE COURTS & THE GOVERNMENT.
Ireland is a Haven for Pedophiles from around the world, the reason for this is very simple if they don't register with the police in Ireland on arrival, then unless they are notified or an incident happens they won't know that this predator is here. Ireland does NOT HAVE A PUBLIC SEX OFFENDERS REGISTER but it needs one and fast. Below is an incident that happened in a court in Co Galway today which is in the West of Ireland, one of the most popular tourist areas for anybody visiting Ireland and especially for those from America, as Galway is the home of Connemara but it is also the home of some of the most horrific, barbaric and hidden Child Abuse and their hidden Graves that Ireland has ever seen. Yet the courts, and in particular this judge seems to want to protect the Pedophile he had in front of him today rather than the Irish Public and more importantly all children that are near or around this Convicted Sex Offender. I would seriously question as to whether or not this judge is himself a Predator, perhaps he is a Pedophile and is part of a so far unknown or undiscovered Pedophile Ring. As we all know that many judges in the past worldwide are involved in this type of behavior and they cover up and or allow those that appear before them as defendants to escape accountability. Perhaps if Judge Rory Mc Cabe who sits in the Circuit Court in Galway is to be held personally responsible for when this Pedophile Rapes and destroy's the life of his next victim an innocent child he will rethink his position. Not that he would be held accountable as in Ireland those in power, those with money and those that abuse are always the one's to escape any type of consequences for their actions and are seldom held accountable, other than perhaps a slap on the wrist.
This is the incident that I am speaking about and it is beyond believe to see that once again this has happened in Ireland. A Registered UK Convicted Sex Offender by the name of Sean Johnson who is 34 years of age, was in court in Galway today to face charges of failing to register as a sex offender in Ireland. He had been had been running talent competitions and auditions for children as young as seven years of age in not just Galway but also in Cork for months. He was using at least two aliases in this time in both locations. His objective was to work with kids as he is a Pedophile and to also hide his identity so that he could do this for as long as possible. He was eventually arrested in February 2015. He had been using the false names to evade detection and had rented a room at a Library to hold fake video auditions for children, from the age of just seven years & up, promising their parents and agents that they would be cast in children’s TV series. As a Convicted Sex Offender  this work is totally illegal and taking any images or video's of children considering that he was incarcerated for child pornography should have set off huge Red Flags in the mind of the judge in Galway as he was up to his old tricks again, he was just grooming his latest victims.
He was in court for Not Registering As a Sex Offender, he was NOT charged with breaching his sentence in the UK which he had reduced due to good behavior that stated he was NEVER to work with children again. Yet in Ireland he got away with this as the Judge felt the original sentence of 10 months was too harsh and dropped all other charges against him.He then released him immediately and he proceeded to walk down the city streets of Galway with all those children and potential victims within his reach.
He had arrived in Ireland  just days after he had been released from a UK prison,  having served three months of a four-month sentence imposed on him for the possession of child pornography.  As part of that sentence, the UK court had directed he never work with children again.Yet in Ireland he was  given a slap on the wrist, the children that were at risk didn't matter, the fact that he was a convicted Sex Offender who had been convicted of Child Pornography and he was now making video's of young children didn't matter, No he had rights and the Judge in Galway today allowed this predator to walk free, another sex offender on the streets of Ireland.
Ireland is like a Candy Store for any and all Abusers - Pedophiles & Sex Offenders, when you have No laws that will protect the victims until they are basically a statistic of murder and No Courts that are educated on what Abuse and or Pedophiles are then how can the children and people of Ireland be protected. I have no hesitation in stating publicly that in my mind the Judge today Rory McCabe has not just Endangered the life and innocence of children all over Ireland, but he has Enabled this Pedophile to Abuse and to  escape accountability for his actions. This Judge should be brought before the Bar and questioned as to why he supported the release of a Convicted Pedophile in to the streets of Ireland when he had more than enough to not just ensure that he served his original sentence but to also add to it on the grounds of him breaching his original release conditions.
I have called for a long time now for a Public Sex Offenders Register in Ireland as we can't rely on the laws of the land, the courts or the police to protect our children. We all have the right to ensure that those who are a threat or danger to our children are known to us, we don't want to live beside them, they shouldn't be allowed to work with kids, assume new identities , live beside where children play, be near schools as in doing so that is allowing them to pick out their next victim or victims , to groom them over time and to then destroy their lives forever more.Once a child's innocence is taken it is gone forever, no sentence can ever retrieve what and who that child once was. But at least it will protect other children from having to suffer whilst he is incarcerated.Those that Rape and or Abuse children have lost all rights to be treated as humans as they didn't afford any rights to their victims or their families, so why should they be given the luxury of protection because they were caught.
IRELAND WAKE UP - PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN - DEMAND THAT RIGHT -DEMAND THAT THE COURTS DO THEIR JOB - MAKE YOUR VOICES HEARD
Below is the link to a petition that I have set up for a Public Sex Offenders Register to be put in place in Ireland as we have to protect the adults of our future who are the children of today. The laws and the Government won't do it so we as a people need to be parents and protect not just our own children but all children.As their voices are not heard and the risk to them is petrifying with more and more Pedophiles arriving into Ireland on a daily if not hourly basis.Ask yourself this question Do you know how many pedophiles are living in your area ? Do you know what he/she looks like ? Do you know what the signs of grooming are with your child ? Do You Care Enough To Be Their Voice & Protect Them ?
https://www.change.org/p/irish-government-demand-a-full-open-sex-offenders-pedophile-register-with-mandated-compulsory-life-sentence-meaning-life-for-pedophiles
This issue will as always get little or no media attention in Ireland as abuse is tolerated , abuse is part of society and that is why we have such ignorance as Judge Rory McCabe allowing a Pedophile to walk the streets when he should be locked up behind bars and then returned to the UK where they will also lock him up for breaching his early release terms. Shame on you Judge, how you can sleep at night I don't know and I would ask if this pedophile had abused, raped or used an image of your child or your friends child would you have been so lenient. I wonder if  you really know what a Pedophile is and can do as if not then I will gladly educate you on the facts as until you know what these predators are capable of there is no way that you should be sitting in court and judgement and allowing them to be free. I will educate you on Abuse, Sex Offenders, Pedophiles so that then you can do your job correctly and pass down the sentence that is the minimum that should have been served rather than putting innocent children at risk because you are ignorant to the reality of Pedophiles. 

Former Social Worker Arrested For Sexually Abusing Child

 

 

A former social worker and church worship leader is accused of sexually abusing a child over several years, and detectives believe there may be more victims.

 

Dexter Carl Pleasure, 51, of Rancho Cucamonga, was arrested Monday and charged with oral copulation of a child under the age of 10 and continual sexual abuse of a child under the age of 10.

 

Pleasure worked for more than 20 years as social worker with a private foster care agency, and had access to numerous children over the years, according to the Rancho Cucamonga Police Department.

 

Neighbors at Pleasure’s apartment complex, where he lived with his wife and four children, said they were not surprised at the news.

One woman, who did not want to be identified, said she told her daughter to be cautious around Pleasure.

"Whenever my daughter would go in and out, he'd follow her," she said. "I'd say 'keep your eyes open, girl.'"

She also said she doubted his churchgoing activities.

"I never saw him get dressed to go to church," she said.

Mike Clark said he got into an argument recently with Pleasure over how he was treating his children.

"As far as parenting skills, terrible," Clark said. "And the wife — I lived in those apartments seven years and I only saw her three times."

A background check showed no previous convictions, and a former supervisor at the foster agency in Corona where Pleasure worked said he was a "paper pusher" and did not have access to children.

Pleasure was arrested after a tipster reported that he had confessed to abusing a child over a long period of time.

Clark said he hoped the arrest would help any other possible victims come forward.

"Encourage you to come forward. Please take that step and stop this," he said.

Pleasure is being held in lieu of $350,000 bail.

Anyone with information is asked to call Detective Ryan Ford of the Rancho Cucamonga Police Department at 909-477-2800. Anonymous tips can be made by calling 800-78CRIME.

Published at 10:09 PM PDT on Apr 29, 2015

 

 

16 Simple Ways to Love Yourself Again


Learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.

“Today I lost the respect of a few people I love, and the desire to kill myself, when I finally took your advice and told everyone the truth about who I really am and what I’ve decided to do with my life.  In a nutshell, I’ve chosen to love and honor myself, instead of convincing others to do it for me every day.”
Those are lines right out of a live chat session I had this morning with a longtime reader and recent course member of ours.  Although this person asked to remain anonymous, they gave me permission to share this with you, and I’m so glad they did.
Because the greatest struggle in life is the struggle to accept, embrace and love ourselves, with all of our imperfections.  To be 100% honest about who we are, how we feel and what we need.  To stop discrediting ourselves for everything we aren’t, and start giving ourselves credit for everything we are.  And to be aware that not everyone we love will agree with us every step of the way, and to be OK with it.
We have to learn to be our own best friends, because sometimes we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.  We love the idea of others loving us, and we forget to love ourselves.
What we must realize is that our greatest task is not about discovering self-love; it’s about breaking down the walls we have built against it.  When we have the courage to push through these walls – to know and embrace ourselves, despite our humanness, our flaws, and our rejections – we also open the door to connecting in more caring, empathic and intimate ways with others who are truly worth loving.
Which is why it’s time to…
http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/05/10/16-simple-ways-to-love-yourself-again/
 

5 Ways to Find Beauty in Painful Life Changes


Stepping onto a brand new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation that no longer fits, or no longer exists.



The reason for our suffering, in all walks of life, is our resistance to life’s inevitable changes.
And life is all changes.  To have lived is to have changed often.
Sometimes this is hard to accept…
What you have today may become what you had by tomorrow.  You never know.  Things change, often spontaneously.  People and circumstances come and go.  Life doesn’t stop for anybody.  It moves rapidly and rushes from calm to chaos in a matter of seconds, and happens like this to people every day.  It’s likely happening to someone nearby right now.
Sometimes the shortest split second in time changes the direction of our lives.  A seemingly innocuous decision rattles our whole world like a meteorite striking Earth.  Entire lives have been swiveled and flipped upside down, for better or worse, on the strength of an unpredictable event.  And these events are always happening.
However good or bad a situation is now, it will change.  That’s the one thing you can count on.
And while I resist change, and suffer sometimes just like everyone else, I have learned to adapt.  I have learned to be flexible and look for the beauty in life’s changes, even when they aren’t what I want.  But before we get into how to do that, let’s take a look at…

 http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/05/06/5-ways-to-find-beauty-in-painful-life-changes/#more-838

10 Things to Remember About Toxic Family Members

Family is supposed to be our safe haven.  Sometimes, however, it’s the place where we find the deepest heartache.

Letting go of (or breaking up with) a toxic friend, boyfriend or girlfriend is one thing, and there’s plenty of advice out there for doing so, but what about letting go of a toxic family member?
Most of us are not in a position to just walk away, nor do we feel that we want to, or that it’s the right thing to do.  So what do we do when a family member is literally spoiling our lives with their toxicity?  How do we deal with our feelings of obligation, confusion, betrayal and heartache?
First and foremost, you must accept the fact that not everyone’s family is healthy or available for them to lean on, to call on, or to go home to.  Not every family tie is built on the premise of mutual respect, love and support.  Sometimes “family” simply means that you share a bloodline.  That’s all.  Some family members build us up and some break us down.
Second, you must understand that a toxic family member may be going through a difficult stage in their lives.  They may be ill, chronically worried, or lacking what they need in terms of love and emotional support.  Such people need to be listened to, supported, and cared for (although whatever the cause of their troubles, you may still need to protect yourself from their toxic behavior at times).
The key thing to keep in mind is that every case of dealing with a toxic family member is a little different, but in any and every case there are some universal principles we need to remember, for our own sake:

1. They may not be an inherently bad person, but they’re not the right person to be spending time with every day. – Not all toxic family relationships are agonizing and uncaring on purpose.  Some of them involve people who care about you – people who have good intentions, but are toxic because their needs and way of existing in the world force you to compromise yourself and your happiness. And as hard as it is, we have to distance ourselves enough to give ourselves space to live.  You simply can’t ruin yourself on a daily basis for the sake of someone else.  You have to make your well-being a priority.  Whether that means spending less time with someone, loving a family member from a distance, letting go entirely, or temporarily removing yourself from a situation that feels painful – you have every right to leave and create some healthy space for yourself.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/05/03/10-things-to-remember-about-toxic-family-members/
  

You Mean I Have to Rescue MYSELF?  Eeeek!




Realizing how damaged you are after child sexual abuse can be overwhelming.  Sometimes the toxic effect of this kind of abuse is so massive even the thought of change seems impossible.  That’s when your “rescue” response kicks in.  It would be so much easier if someone could just come along and rescue you, wouldn’t it?

Hey, where is that White Knight when you need him? 

Well, he didn’t ride in on his white horse when you were sexually abused, did he?  No.  But I have good news.  There is someone who can rescue you now.

YOU!

All victims of child sexual abuse are broken in one way or another.  Some are better at hiding the damage than others.  They just work twice as hard at numbing or repressing the hurt, which only makes the situation worse.  Why?  Because you can’t tackle a problem until you’ve identified it.

You’ll heal much faster if you’re committed to learning everything you can about yourself and your situation.  The process is a little like peeling an onion.  Every time you heal one area of your life another dysfunctional issue comes to light.  And that’s okay.  It’s supposed to be that way.  Healing isn’t one large victory.  It’s a chain of small ones. 

The daily practice of rescuing yourself begins with an action plan.  List not only your destination but also the steps you plan to take to get there.  Make sure this plan includes professional support.  You can’t do this on your own.  It’s just not possible.  The damage from child sexual abuse is too extensive.

Also, develop the habit of paying attention to your intuition (that still, small voice inside you).  As long as you remain true to this inner voice, you’re on the right track. 


 How about that?  After all these years you’ve finally been rescued.  And by someone you trust more than anyone.  Someone who has always had your best interest at heart.  YOU!

That’s a wonderful feeling, isn’t it?  Now there’s no limit to what you can achieve.  You’ve become your own White Knight.  Time to turn that horse around and gallop toward the biggest rainbow you can find.  It’s yours!  

With Love,Deborah
  

Self-Care Sunday: Feeling the Love

By Margarita Tartakovsky, MS
Associate Editor
~ 1 min read

I’ve been exploring the topic of self-love this whole week (see here and here). And today is no exception. In their book In This Moment: Five Steps to Transcending Stress Using Mindfulness and Neuroscience psychologists Kirk D. Strosahl, Ph.D, and Patricia J. Robinson, Ph.D, include a powerful activity for feeling love within ourselves, which we can practice regularly.

They suggest remembering a time in your life when you felt completely loved and cared for. Remember what it felt like to be accepted for precisely who you are, to bask in that warmth. Immerse yourself in the details of these memories, focusing on your thoughts, emotions and any physical sensations.
According to the authors, “Some people remember being held or gently touched by a parent when they were small. Others remember moments with a partner, such as holding hands and watching a beautiful sunset. Perhaps you have a memory of being hugged by someone who was very glad to see you after a long time apart. Your favorite memories might also involve snuggling with sweet canine or feline friends.”
Make a list of moments you felt really loved. Then pick one or two to practice with. That is, remember these events in detail. Recreate the physical, emotional and mental experience of receiving love. Describe these details in your journal. Then you can recall these sensations any time you need to. When your inner critic just won’t quit. When you’re upset. When you’re anxious. Or every day, if you like.
Remember self-love is available to each of us. We might need to work on loving ourselves. We might need to see a therapist. We might need to work through a workbook on coping with emotions. We might need to better understand ourselves. We might need to own our experiences — all of them. We might need to start meditating, or to learn healthy ways to cope with our inner critic.
But we can.
As the authors write, “In the end, the choice to love or hate yourself is completely up to you, and you can choose to switch from self-loathing to loving yourself at any time, and for no reason at all!”

Make this choice. And, if it’s difficult to act on this choice, then identify what you need and how you can learn to love yourself.
Because, again, you can.

    Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 12 Apr 2015
    Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.